Once Will and I became an Official, Serious Couple, we had to start dividing up who got to see us on the holidays.
We are lucky in that both sets of parents living within driving range (from us and from one another) so planning visits does not involve plane tickets. However, there’s only one Thanksgiving a year, and we have to decide at whose table we will be dining.
Thus far (as we’ve only been through two holiday seasons together), it’s been completely even. Last year was Thanksgiving with his family. This year will be the reverse.
Last year, we handled the Christmas split by each spending Christmas Eve with our parents and then later reconvening at the chosen dinner location (last year, my house; this year, his) on the 25th. We will do that again this year. I’ll wake up on Christmas Day in my childhood bedroom and later, Will will come to take me to his parents’ place for food. We don’t particularly mind being apart on Christmas Eve and figure this method will work until there are babies present.*
As Will is my first For-Real, Adult Relationship, this is the first time I’ve had to divvy up holiday access. I’m thus always curious how other couples do it. Obviously, people with families further afield can’t split up Christmas Eve and Day quite like we do.
If you are a Holiday-Splitter, what’s your M.O.? Do you alternate? Are there other holidays you split (e.g., Easter)? Have you yet convinced your two families to merge at festive occasions for convenience purposes?
*Note: Babies shan’t be joining us until an as-of-yet undetermined future Yuletide.
renita says
Matthew’s parents (and grandparents) are in the SW burbs; mine live about a 3-hour drive away. He has a little bro; my parents are divorced and I have no nieces or nephews.
So we tend to give his family a little more priority, but I have to make a point of seeing my family near the holidays, of course. We’ll be going there this coming weekend, then spending a couple days with Matthew’s fam (most of Christmas eve and Christmas day); his middle bro & his fiancee will be coming from out of town too.
It can be tough; I rarely see my extended family beyond who’s in the same town as my parents. But it’s a choice on my part, and Matthew thankfully is totally supportive and helpful.
It can be tough to navigate, especially if your family looooves guilt, but you have to do what works well for you as a couple.
Helena says
Yeah, Will and I really luck out with all our immediate families in the area. I don’t see my extended family as much as I’d like, but they all require plane rides, so it’s a bigger deal.
renita says
Matthew’s parents (and grandparents) are in the SW burbs; mine live about a 3-hour drive away. He has a little bro; my parents are divorced and I have no nieces or nephews.
So we tend to give his family a little more priority, but I have to make a point of seeing my family near the holidays, of course. We’ll be going there this coming weekend, then spending a couple days with Matthew’s fam (most of Christmas eve and Christmas day); his middle bro & his fiancee will be coming from out of town too.
It can be tough; I rarely see my extended family beyond who’s in the same town as my parents. But it’s a choice on my part, and Matthew thankfully is totally supportive and helpful.
It can be tough to navigate, especially if your family looooves guilt, but you have to do what works well for you as a couple.
Helena says
Yeah, Will and I really luck out with all our immediate families in the area. I don’t see my extended family as much as I’d like, but they all require plane rides, so it’s a bigger deal.
Erin says
Kyle and I split the major holidays in the way that you do, but whatever holiday is with my family, we always spend more time with them, because we have to travel to see them.
So Thanksgiving last year was home in Indiana, and we spent 5 days with my family. Christmas was with his, and we went out on Christmas Eve, came home on the 26th. Thanksgiving this year, we spent 3 days with his family, Christmas this year is 7 days with mine.
Because Kyle’s family is close (just an hour train ride out to Long Island), so we see them for all the non-major holidays, and a couple of random weekends a year; this summer, we spent a long weekend on vacation with them.
My work schedule is flexible, so I always see my parents a couple of times a year…I’m looking forward to our annual spring break trip in March! But since Kyle works in an office, he doesn’t always get to tag along.
Erin says
Kyle and I split the major holidays in the way that you do, but whatever holiday is with my family, we always spend more time with them, because we have to travel to see them.
So Thanksgiving last year was home in Indiana, and we spent 5 days with my family. Christmas was with his, and we went out on Christmas Eve, came home on the 26th. Thanksgiving this year, we spent 3 days with his family, Christmas this year is 7 days with mine.
Because Kyle’s family is close (just an hour train ride out to Long Island), so we see them for all the non-major holidays, and a couple of random weekends a year; this summer, we spent a long weekend on vacation with them.
My work schedule is flexible, so I always see my parents a couple of times a year…I’m looking forward to our annual spring break trip in March! But since Kyle works in an office, he doesn’t always get to tag along.
Nina L says
This is interesting helena… I am not married but my brother has been for a few years and both our parents and her parents are divorced. That is four families. Aaand, my dad’s family celebrates separately from my stepmoms family…keeping track that is now five separate families. They usually visit our mom’s side and her dad’s side on the same day since they are located within a 15 min drive, on the eve. Then they.visit our dad’s family before heading home. Christmas day switch it up between our stepmom’s family and her mom’s family. They will be having a baby with them next year for the holidays so I am assuming their schedule will not include as much.
Enjoy your holidays!
Helena says
Wow, that is a lot of families to balance. At least some of them are close!
Congrats on becoming an Aunt!
Nina L says
This is interesting helena… I am not married but my brother has been for a few years and both our parents and her parents are divorced. That is four families. Aaand, my dad’s family celebrates separately from my stepmoms family…keeping track that is now five separate families. They usually visit our mom’s side and her dad’s side on the same day since they are located within a 15 min drive, on the eve. Then they.visit our dad’s family before heading home. Christmas day switch it up between our stepmom’s family and her mom’s family. They will be having a baby with them next year for the holidays so I am assuming their schedule will not include as much.
Enjoy your holidays!
Helena says
Wow, that is a lot of families to balance. At least some of them are close!
Congrats on becoming an Aunt!
Charlotte says
Brian and i have spent the last 8 holiday seasons together. Our first we went our separate ways for christmas. Until this year my parents lived out of the country so if they made it down we all shared (we went to them one thanksgiving).
Now that we have scott (and another on the way) our solution has been: you want to see us (more accurately your grandson) you come here…everyone is welcome anytime and its worked really well. This year we will go to my sisters on christmas afternoon to eat but other than that we didnt want to pack up our kid(s) and drag them all over southern california….we would rather have them be home and enjoy the holidays that way.
It means for a lot of hosting duties on our part but we enjoy that and fortunatley can accomodate lots of people in our current residence!
Happy holidays to you and will and your families!!!
Helena says
Haha, I like the idea of hosting to make people come to you – that has to be easier with small children!
Charlotte says
Brian and i have spent the last 8 holiday seasons together. Our first we went our separate ways for christmas. Until this year my parents lived out of the country so if they made it down we all shared (we went to them one thanksgiving).
Now that we have scott (and another on the way) our solution has been: you want to see us (more accurately your grandson) you come here…everyone is welcome anytime and its worked really well. This year we will go to my sisters on christmas afternoon to eat but other than that we didnt want to pack up our kid(s) and drag them all over southern california….we would rather have them be home and enjoy the holidays that way.
It means for a lot of hosting duties on our part but we enjoy that and fortunatley can accomodate lots of people in our current residence!
Happy holidays to you and will and your families!!!
Helena says
Haha, I like the idea of hosting to make people come to you – that has to be easier with small children!
Sara {House Bella} says
When we lived on the east coast we were holiday splitters – usually Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. As all my sisters/brothers have kids, they wanted to be in their own homes on Christmas morning – thus why we never did Christmas at my parent’s place. But now we live 3000 miles away, and just do Christmas alone with the two of us! Breakfast, stockings, presents, then skiing.
Helena says
I’m jealous of the post-present skiing!
Sara {House Bella} says
When we lived on the east coast we were holiday splitters – usually Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. As all my sisters/brothers have kids, they wanted to be in their own homes on Christmas morning – thus why we never did Christmas at my parent’s place. But now we live 3000 miles away, and just do Christmas alone with the two of us! Breakfast, stockings, presents, then skiing.
Helena says
I’m jealous of the post-present skiing!
houseofearnest says
One family is prioritized on Christmas, the other family is prioritized on Thanksgiving. That means whenever they schedule gifts or dinner or caroling, or whatever will be our first priority and we’ll complete the entire event (no leaving part-way through). The next year, we reverse it. Our siblings have all gotten on similar schedules which is nice!
Helena says
Sibling coordination is key! Last year when we did Thanksgiving with Will’s family, his brother hosted, so all the “kids” in his family were in one place.
houseofearnest says
One family is prioritized on Christmas, the other family is prioritized on Thanksgiving. That means whenever they schedule gifts or dinner or caroling, or whatever will be our first priority and we’ll complete the entire event (no leaving part-way through). The next year, we reverse it. Our siblings have all gotten on similar schedules which is nice!
Helena says
Sibling coordination is key! Last year when we did Thanksgiving with Will’s family, his brother hosted, so all the “kids” in his family were in one place.
Allison Gans Castillo says
The religious background differences actually make holiday splitting very easy. We have double the holidays, double the fun.
Rosh Hashana, Passover, and Hannukah with my family, Christmas and Easter with his family. Jason’s mom LOVES that I am Jewish, because it means we don’t have to divide Christmas. When Hannukah falls on Christmas, I bring my menorah to the celebration.
The one challenge is Thanksgiving. However, 99% of the time, we spend it with my family. Thanskgiving is a bigger deal with mine than his, and we know that we will be in the west burbs shortly thereafter for Christmas. Sometimes, we celebrate Friday Thanksgiving with Jason’s family. Again, double the holidays, double the fun.
May you and Will have the happiest holiday season and enjoy these holiday celebrations as an engaged couple! 😀
Helena says
Have Menorah, will travel – LOVE IT!
Allison Gans Castillo says
The religious background differences actually make holiday splitting very easy. We have double the holidays, double the fun.
Rosh Hashana, Passover, and Hannukah with my family, Christmas and Easter with his family. Jason’s mom LOVES that I am Jewish, because it means we don’t have to divide Christmas. When Hannukah falls on Christmas, I bring my menorah to the celebration.
The one challenge is Thanksgiving. However, 99% of the time, we spend it with my family. Thanskgiving is a bigger deal with mine than his, and we know that we will be in the west burbs shortly thereafter for Christmas. Sometimes, we celebrate Friday Thanksgiving with Jason’s family. Again, double the holidays, double the fun.
May you and Will have the happiest holiday season and enjoy these holiday celebrations as an engaged couple! 😀
Helena says
Have Menorah, will travel – LOVE IT!
Jessica @ Faith Permeating Life says
We started trading off Thanksgiving and Christmas (one with one family, one with the other) the year before Mike and I got married. Unfortunately, now that Mike has a full-time job and no vacation days yet, we weren’t able to spend either holiday with his family this year, since they live two states away and my parents live a 45-minute drive from us. I think that caused a little bit of bitterness since we already see my parents a lot. But we’ll figure out a way to make it work again next year once he can get more than just the day of the holiday off.
Whichever family we’re not seeing for Christmas, we still do a gift exchange–last year Mike met his mom halfway for breakfast and exchanging gifts, and the year before we had a “fake Christmas” at my parents’ house the week before Christmas.
Jessica @ Faith Permeating Life says
We started trading off Thanksgiving and Christmas (one with one family, one with the other) the year before Mike and I got married. Unfortunately, now that Mike has a full-time job and no vacation days yet, we weren’t able to spend either holiday with his family this year, since they live two states away and my parents live a 45-minute drive from us. I think that caused a little bit of bitterness since we already see my parents a lot. But we’ll figure out a way to make it work again next year once he can get more than just the day of the holiday off.
Whichever family we’re not seeing for Christmas, we still do a gift exchange–last year Mike met his mom halfway for breakfast and exchanging gifts, and the year before we had a “fake Christmas” at my parents’ house the week before Christmas.
Belle says
We’ve been expats pretty much since we became a couple and traveling home for the holidays is crazy. It doesn’t help that his parents are divorced. The first year we went home we went to California (his grandparents) Kansas (his mom’s family) Mississippi (my family) and then back to Cali (to see his dad, which was fine since we were flying out of San Francisco anyway). We did roughly the same trip once with our little one to introduce him to all of his surviving great grandparents. It was a lot of planning, a lot of air miles, and a lot of stress. From here on out when we go home for the holidays, it will probably be Christmas with his family and New Year’s with mine or vice versa.
Belle says
We’ve been expats pretty much since we became a couple and traveling home for the holidays is crazy. It doesn’t help that his parents are divorced. The first year we went home we went to California (his grandparents) Kansas (his mom’s family) Mississippi (my family) and then back to Cali (to see his dad, which was fine since we were flying out of San Francisco anyway). We did roughly the same trip once with our little one to introduce him to all of his surviving great grandparents. It was a lot of planning, a lot of air miles, and a lot of stress. From here on out when we go home for the holidays, it will probably be Christmas with his family and New Year’s with mine or vice versa.
Debbie Panning says
Mike and I are also on our second year of holidays. We split the holidays Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his last year–the opposite this year.
So far it’s working and we managed to coordinate with our siblings so we can see everyone at once. It’s hard because we live in NYC, his family is in Indiana, my brother is in Maryland, and my parents are in South Carolina. So we have to fly almost every time we want to see people!
But we’re making it work and it’s always worth the trip. We’re grateful we have the means to see our families at least a couple times a year.
Since his mother is an organist and my father is a preacher, we probably won’t get our parents to leave they’re home states on Christmas until they retire!
It’s always interesting to see how other people manage!
Helena says
Ha, yeah, your parents probably won’t be celebrating Christmas in NY with you until they retire!
Debbie Panning says
Mike and I are also on our second year of holidays. We split the holidays Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his last year–the opposite this year.
So far it’s working and we managed to coordinate with our siblings so we can see everyone at once. It’s hard because we live in NYC, his family is in Indiana, my brother is in Maryland, and my parents are in South Carolina. So we have to fly almost every time we want to see people!
But we’re making it work and it’s always worth the trip. We’re grateful we have the means to see our families at least a couple times a year.
Since his mother is an organist and my father is a preacher, we probably won’t get our parents to leave they’re home states on Christmas until they retire!
It’s always interesting to see how other people manage!
Helena says
Ha, yeah, your parents probably won’t be celebrating Christmas in NY with you until they retire!
bethany says
My husband and I live in Chicago near his family, but my parents live in Michigan. We’ve chosen to alternate years with our holidays – this year we spent Thanksgiving with his parents and this Christmas we will be with my family in Michigan, but next year we will flip-flop that. It has worked out really well since our holiday schedule is the same as his sister (she lives in Fargo, ND) – when she is in Chicago for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so are we. All the other holidays – Easter, 4th of July, Memorial Day and Labor Day – are up for grabs and are often spent with friends, too. I’m sure this will be more complicated once we have kids, but who knows. We take it one year at a time, you know?
bethany says
My husband and I live in Chicago near his family, but my parents live in Michigan. We’ve chosen to alternate years with our holidays – this year we spent Thanksgiving with his parents and this Christmas we will be with my family in Michigan, but next year we will flip-flop that. It has worked out really well since our holiday schedule is the same as his sister (she lives in Fargo, ND) – when she is in Chicago for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so are we. All the other holidays – Easter, 4th of July, Memorial Day and Labor Day – are up for grabs and are often spent with friends, too. I’m sure this will be more complicated once we have kids, but who knows. We take it one year at a time, you know?
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