A few Saturdays ago, Will and I discovered that Saved by the Bell had come to Netflix streaming. Of course, we watched some choice episodes. Turns out, Will didn’t know that the “Zack and Kelly Break-Up Song” was a thing. It’s totally a thing.
Anyway, we watched a couple episodes where, predictably, Zack or Slater messed something up and Kelly or Jessie got upset. Don’t get me wrong, while I say that SBTB is formulaic, that doesn’t mean I love it any less. It was quality programing that I refused to miss. Mark Paul Gosselar, I still love you.
So, Zack and/or Slater are in the proverbial doghouse and need to reaffirm their endless devotions to their lady counterparts. Enter, the Grand Gesture. Was there ever a small apology on this show? No. Jessie got upset about how she and Slater were going to spend their one month-a-versary or somesuch and he got decked out in a unitard and danced around the Max.
I saw a lot of my fourteen year-old self in hysterical Jessie. We were both uptight go-getters. With the exception of a minor caffeine pill addiction, things seemed to work in Jessie’s favor.
The huge, glaring difference was our boyfriends.
My high school boyfriend and I didn’t call one another irritating names like “Mama” and “Papa” so, in some sense, we were far cooler than Slater and Jessie. However, I pined for Slater-esque expressions of devotion.
I realize now that I would pick small fights with mine anticipating the Grand Gesture. If he hurt my feelings, I expected roses … delivered in class … on bended knee. I mean, that’s how you expressed love, right? That’s how Zack or Slater would have expressed their love.
Sadly for young Helena, I dated mortals, not television compilations of every preteen’s fantasy. It took years for me to learn to relax and be normal in relationships (if he wasn’t Zack, he couldn’t expect me to be Kelly, right?).