Hello! I’m Renita, buddy of Helena. She’s graciously allowed me to ramble on for you all and share what I learned from planning my wedding.
The day after my wedding, while languidly enjoying champagne in a giant Jacuzzi in Lake Geneva on our mini-moon, I thought to myself, that went well, but I never want to do it again. (Good thing I plan to stick with my husband, huh?) Everyone’s wedding day is just a little bit different, but it seems that almost all of them involve a certain amount of stress and frustration.
We had a relatively simple affair, with a 10:30 a.m. ceremony and afternoon reception that involved enough food to fill stomachs and enough alcohol to help them forget it wasn’t a full sit-down dinner. It was just our style, and we stuck to our fairly-low budget*, but it certainly wasn’t always easy getting there.
A few points of contention along the way, to help you learn from my mistakes:
Guests:
We had a completely awkward moment at the shower my mom and aunts threw for us, in my parents’ hometown. A second cousin, who lived in town, was invited to the shower — but my dad had never mentioned wanting to invite her family, and so we hadn’t. We also had some, um, disagreements with my mother-in-law over an out-of-town relative bringing some relatives of hers we’d never met.
- Lesson #1: Make sure whoever might throw you a shower coordinates the guest list with you.
- Lesson #2: if you’re paying for the wedding, it’s okay to stick to your guns on guests — but don’t do so at the risk of alienating everyone.
To DJ or not to DJ:
We saved a lot of money and aggravation by hooking a laptop up to a sound system at our reception hall. This allowed us to have exactly the playlist we wanted and not get the Chicken Dance or Electric Slide thrown in. But we did have a few songs we liked that nobody danced to.
- Lesson #1: Make sure it’s a good mix of newer and older songs, emphasis on upbeat, and run it past a few music-savvy friends.
- Lesson #2: Have a trusted friend or two keep an eye on it so nobody tries to hijack your playlist.
Alcohol:
My family is mostly teetotalers, but I thought they could handle being around an open bar — there were plenty of other beverage choices! Unfortunately, the champagne toast provided some problems when (unbeknownst to me) my grandmother and aunt angrily tried to return their flutes to the bar, rather than just not drinking it. And a failure on my part: I’d previously asked for sparkling juice to be available, but forgot to mention it to my mom or have it ready at the relatives’ table.
- Lesson: Make sure you have some contingency plans for non-drinkers and make the right people aware. (And if you have alcoholics to deal with, prepare for that, too.)
I think the hardest balance to strike with weddings can be in figuring out what’s for you and what’s for your guests. It’s not all about you, or you would have just run off and eloped. But it’s not all about your guests either; you want your wedding day to be fun for you and your beloved, too! There’s no one right or wrong way to do things, but keep in mind what’s important to you and be ready to compromise on the rest.
*When all was said and done, it came in between $5 and 6k. Most of that was my savings; my mom helped us out a little and his parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. I’d be happy to answer budget-related questions in the comments.
Helena says
As you know, Renita, I love your dress! I love the pop of red – so pretty!
renita says
Thank you 🙂 I got a lot of great comments on it and I was so glad I had some color on it.
Helena says
As you know, Renita, I love your dress! I love the pop of red – so pretty!
renita says
Thank you 🙂 I got a lot of great comments on it and I was so glad I had some color on it.
Erin says
Yeah, it’s definitely a great dress 🙂
It’s nice to hear survival stories from brides who have run the gauntlet of wedding planning (can you tell how I’m feeling about it today?).
I scheduled my first fitting for my wedding dress (eee!) and have a date to meet our photographer, so I feel accomplished for this week, but it’s super overwhelming.
renita says
it can definitely feel like a gauntlet, or a trial sometimes. like I said, I was so glad it was over. 🙂
break things down into smaller goals and you will get there, no problem.
Erin says
Yeah, it’s definitely a great dress 🙂
It’s nice to hear survival stories from brides who have run the gauntlet of wedding planning (can you tell how I’m feeling about it today?).
I scheduled my first fitting for my wedding dress (eee!) and have a date to meet our photographer, so I feel accomplished for this week, but it’s super overwhelming.
renita says
it can definitely feel like a gauntlet, or a trial sometimes. like I said, I was so glad it was over. 🙂
break things down into smaller goals and you will get there, no problem.
Jessica @ Faith Permeating Life says
Great lessons!! I agree that you have to think about the experience for both yourself and you guests. The distinction we tried to make was doing things for the guests based on what the experience would be like for them (which is important) and doing things for the guests because they thought something was important/traditional/necessary. It can be tough to make that call sometimes when you have people trying to convince you to do one thing or another, so I completely agree that you have to stick to your guns on the things that are most important to you!
renita says
Jessica, I would agree on the “important/traditional” thing — we didn’t, for instance, do a bouquet toss or garter toss. Just seemed silly and unnecessary. You make a great point about focusing on how guests experience the wedding/reception.
Helena says
I believe Jessica didn’t do a garter or bouquet toss, either. Good to know some other brides doing away with these “traditions”
renita says
For me, tossing a bouquet was especially silly because I only had a few single friends coming (maybe three?) and I didn’t want to make them feel totally awkward and losery by pointing out how very single they were. Plus, I wanted to keep my bouquet! Garter toss went along the same lines.
Helena says
Yeah, bouquet toss can be super awkward.
Jessica @ Faith Permeating Life says
Great lessons!! I agree that you have to think about the experience for both yourself and you guests. The distinction we tried to make was doing things for the guests based on what the experience would be like for them (which is important) and doing things for the guests because they thought something was important/traditional/necessary. It can be tough to make that call sometimes when you have people trying to convince you to do one thing or another, so I completely agree that you have to stick to your guns on the things that are most important to you!
renita says
Jessica, I would agree on the “important/traditional” thing — we didn’t, for instance, do a bouquet toss or garter toss. Just seemed silly and unnecessary. You make a great point about focusing on how guests experience the wedding/reception.
Helena says
I believe Jessica didn’t do a garter or bouquet toss, either. Good to know some other brides doing away with these “traditions”
renita says
For me, tossing a bouquet was especially silly because I only had a few single friends coming (maybe three?) and I didn’t want to make them feel totally awkward and losery by pointing out how very single they were. Plus, I wanted to keep my bouquet! Garter toss went along the same lines.
Helena says
Yeah, bouquet toss can be super awkward.
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